Mediation Resources

UNDERSTANDING MEDIATION

What Is Mediation?

Mediation is a guided conversation between two people who don't agree about something. A neutral person (the mediator) helps that conversation along. In your case, the disagreement is most likely about parenting time, decision-making, or another issue involving your children. Mediation is private, and it's much less formal than court. Best of all, the two of you stay in control. A judge doesn't decide for you.

What Is the Most Important Thing to Know?

I don't decide the outcome. I am a mediator, not a judge. I won't rule on your case. I won't tell you what your parenting schedule should be. And I won't take anyone's side. My job is to help the two of you talk things through, understand each other's concerns, and look at your options. Any agreement you reach is one you both made.

 Who Makes the Decisions, and Then What?

You and the other person do. Nothing is final unless you both agree to it. If you reach an agreement on some or all the issues, I'll put it in writing. That written agreement is called a Memorandum of Understanding. From there:

• If you have a lawyer, I'll send the written agreement to you and your lawyer to look over. Then it goes to the judge for approval.

• If neither of you has a lawyer, I'll give you instructions on how to put the agreement into a form the judge can review and approve.

What If You Can't Reach an Agreement?

Mediation doesn't always settle everything, and that's okay. Any issue you can't agree on simply goes back to the judge assigned to your case. I tell the court only one thing: whether you reached an agreement. I don't report what was said, or who said it.

Why Were You Sent to Mediation?

You didn't do anything wrong, and this isn't a punishment. In Illinois, judges are generally required to send disagreements about parenting time, decision-making, and other child-related issues to mediation before the court decides them. This comes from Illinois Supreme Court Rule 905 and 750 ILCS 5/602.10. It's a routine step in almost every contested parenting case in Illinois.

Is What I Say Private?

Yes, for the most part. Under Illinois law, what's said in mediation is generally confidential. There are a few limited exceptions, for example, a threat of harm, or certain concerns about abuse or neglect.

Otherwise, what you say in mediation generally can't be used as evidence in your court case, and I generally can't be made to testify about it. The point is to let you speak freely. You shouldn't have to worry that an offer you made, or one hard moment, will be used against you later.

What Happens During the Session?

Our sessions are conversations, not hearings. I'll go over a few ground rules, help you sort out which issues need to be worked out, and guide the discussion toward practical options.

I may meet with both of you together or with each of you separately, depending on what seems most helpful. If at any point you'd like to talk with me privately, just ask.

Why Is Mediation Three Hours Long?

Sessions are scheduled for three hours because that's how long we’re required to try to work through the issues. If you reach a full agreement sooner, we can finish early.

Sometimes three hours go by and a few issues are still open, but it's clear that more talking won't change that. In that case, we'll stop. Sometimes we run out of time when it feels like a little more would help. If that happens, we can set up a shorter follow-up session.

Why Do We Use Zoom?

All mediation sessions at Sutton Law & Mediation are held on Zoom.

A lot of people are unsure about this at first. But being in your own space, instead of in a room with the other person, is more comfortable for most people. Zoom also makes it easy for me to speak with each of you privately, in what's called a “breakout room.”

If you haven't used Zoom before, please ask us to set up a practice session with Katie. That way we can make sure your camera, microphone, and speakers all work well before the day of your mediation.

Questions Before We Meet?

Please call the office. I'd much rather answer your questions now than have you worrying about them.

Remember:

• Please attend and take part in good faith.

• You don't have to agree to anything you don't think is right for your family.

• You can agree on some issues and let the judge decide the rest.

• You can ask for a break at any time.

• You can ask to speak privately with me, with your lawyer, or with someone you trust.